General Hospital

excerpts from this week’s report:



"Scene: The emergency room at the FOMC Hospital in Washington, DC.

Hospital loudspeaker: “Paging Doctor Bernanke. Paging Doctor Bernanke. Please come to the emergency room.”

Doctor Bernanke arrives moments later.

Emergency Room Nurse: “The patient just arrived with a broken ARM (pun intended) and there’s a risk of infection.”

Doctor Bernanke: “How did this happen?”

ERN: “He slipped on a patch of sub prime slime. We did blood work on him. He apparently was intoxicated as we found high levels of liquidity in his system.”

Dr. B: “Has this happened before?”

ERN: “Yes, doctor. Twice. Back in 1987 and then again in 1998. Dr. Greenspan was on call at the time.”

Dr. B: “What did Dr. Greenspan prescribe?”

ERN: “Lots of liquidity.”

Dr. B’s eyebrow rises a la Mr. Spock.

“Doc, you gotta do something”, begs a man in an expensive suit.

Dr. B: “Who’s this person?”

ERN: “ We think he is the patient’s supplier, someone from Wall Street.”

Dr. B to the supplier in his most sincere consoling voice: “We will do what we can.”

Wall Street Supplier: “Please, doc. Don’t let the infection spread.”

As the supplier steps away and out of earshot of Dr. B, he starts making frantic phone calls to people in government.

Dr. B: “Let’s start by treating the broken ARM with a localized painkiller and some antibiotics.”

As Dr. B and the ERN step into the lobby of the emergency room, they encounter a mob of reporters and media mavens. “Booya. They don’t know anything. Nothing”, shouts a bald guy with a goatie.

Dr. B: “Who’s this guy?”

ERN: “I think he is someone from a major cable network.”

Dr. B: “Get him outta here.”

“Booya, booya”, shouts the crowd as the police drag the guy away.

Dr. B: “This may be worse than I suspected. I need to consult with my team.”

Dr. B then heads down the hallway to meet with his expert team (and his destiny). Their decision is expected next Tuesday.

Stay tuned to the next episode of (organ music, please) FOMC General Hospital.

Until then, here are a few thoughts for viewers to consider:…"

also in this week's report

• Valuation Model
• ETF Model Growth Portfolio
• Key Economic Indicators

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